Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
