dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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