Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
