Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
