Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
