Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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