Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
