Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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