She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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