dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
