i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
