also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
