Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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