I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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