I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
