I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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