DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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