Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
