I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
