she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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