Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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