I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
