DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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