Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize