New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
