is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
