Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
