There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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