the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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