Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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