Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
