You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
