my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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