I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize