everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
