I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
