jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
