The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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