the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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