didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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