Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize