Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
