but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
