Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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