i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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