I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
