Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
