I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
