you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
