I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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