I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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