Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
