She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize