i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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