I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
