Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's shark week go big or go home
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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