tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
3pm strippers are depressing
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
