dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
