it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
