I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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