We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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