Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
