I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Ladies don't puke and tell
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
