I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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