Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he thought i was a dude.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am mentally ready for anal.
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