# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
