I looked at my own cervix.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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