I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
