It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
