1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
