I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
