he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
