omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
