At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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