If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
