Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize