im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
