So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
