On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
