Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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