Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
