Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
