mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
