Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
