The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
