what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
