I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
