At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
