thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you never un-have a 4some
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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