i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
