I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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