How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
