your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
